FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
