you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
