she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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