um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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