For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
