Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
