Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
