So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
