I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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