i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
