it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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