I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you win again, gameday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
