Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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