dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
