how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
OPIZZABONMYDICK
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
