we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize