i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who died my cat blue again?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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