sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
