The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
God, I missed his penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
