ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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