I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
soo... how was my night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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