Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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