woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
