Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
