look no pants
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
