Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
