My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
