it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
