I look better un-naked...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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