Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
