hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
