But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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