I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
