I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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