Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
