brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Operation Purity has been aborted
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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