Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
