WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
