just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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