My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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