Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
