What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
