thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex on a roof
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
