she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
