All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
