The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
