Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
