I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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