And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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