I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
