he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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