Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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