rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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