Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
