that's an acceptable place to lick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
