what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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