I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
