so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
