yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
