I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
