it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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