You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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