She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
