Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize