I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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