did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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