fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
