two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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