how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
