You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
