Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
