I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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