Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
