i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
