ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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