is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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