I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
