There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
